Sex & Cake: 5 Dont’s for Men in Bed + Lemonade Cake

 

I don’t know if I’m more appalled by his Fro-Mullet or by him licking her head?

1.) Don’t surprise your mate during sex by slipping it in the ‘back door’. There would be no quicker way for me to show you moves I picked up from the fight scene in episode 8 of HBO’s OZ, then if one where to go there without a discussion first.

2. ) Don’t request sex from your partner like it’s the number 3 combo meal at McDonald’s, it’s never ok. I know men get comfortable with their woman and figure one of the perks of being in a committed relationship is ordering up the booootay, but it’s kinda true, and kinda not.  I mean there’s a way go about it. Saying “Babe” and pointing to your groin area, or arbitrarily rubbing yourself on any part of her body in passing, is also not a turn on. The most important thing a man can learn about a woman is that we’re cerebral when it comes to sex, and that we require intimacy when it comes to being turned on. Setting the mood, romance, etc, is always a prerequisite for a woman, no matter how long you’ve been with her, unless your cool with fake mundane sex.

3.) Don’t NOT know what to do with your tounge. Despite popular thought, just like you may be thinking you’re not getting enough felacio, 9 times outta 10, it’s because you’re not reciprocating… let that marinate for a second, I’ll be back.

4.)  Don’t suggest a Threesome. I know this is every mans fantasy, but the fact that you’re hit and miss with the one woman you got, would suggest that there’s a great chance you’d be the odd man out if another female where to get involved.  AnyWho, this topic is just something avoid bringing up as a man. I don’t care how cool, and open you and your woman/wife/babymama or whatever are, pandora’s box awaits if you go down this path in a straight relationship. I’ve seen this topic ruin a many unions when improperly handled.

5.) Don’t do white surprise in her face. Dispite what SlutsRus.com has led you to believe, most women don’t want to use your bodily fluids as a face mask. Know what kind of woman YOUR woman is, and give warning to the townsfolk before the man-volcano is about to erupt ok.

As always the best source of information on how to please your woman in bed is YOUR WOMAN.  Healthy communication and dialogue is key to a bomb sex life.  Not saying you have to have a Dr. Phil couch conversation about what each other likes or dislikes in bed, but playing a sexy game of Simon Says is a great way to get each other’s points across.

Now, lets have some cake!

Let Me Show You Somehtin’ Lemonade Layer Cake

 

Ingredients

  • Cake:
  • 1 1/3 cups granulated sugar
  • 6 tablespoons butter, softened
  • 1 tablespoon grated lemon rind
  • 3 tablespoons thawed lemonade concentrate
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 2 large eggs
  • 2 large egg whites
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 1/4 cups fat-free buttermilk
  • Cooking spray
  • Frosting:
  • 2 tablespoons butter, softened
  • 2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
  • 2 teaspoons thawed lemonade concentrate
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 8 ounces 1/3-less-fat cream cheese
  • 3 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Preparation

Preheat oven to 350°.

To prepare cake, place first 5 ingredients in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until well blended (about 5 minutes). Add eggs and egg whites, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour, baking powder, salt, and baking soda; stir well with a whisk. Add flour mixture and buttermilk alternately to sugar mixture, beginning and ending with flour mixture; beat well after each addition.

Pour batter into 2 (9-inch) round cake pans coated with cooking spray; sharply tap pans once on counter to remove air bubbles. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans 10 minutes on a wire rack; remove from pans. Cool completely on wire rack.

To prepare frosting, place 2 tablespoons butter and the next 4 ingredients (2 tablespoons butter through cream cheese) in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at high speed until fluffy. Add powdered sugar, and beat at low speed just until blended (do not overbeat). Chill 1 hour.

Place 1 cake layer on a plate; spread with 1/2 cup frosting. Top with remaining cake layer. Spread remaining frosting over top and sides of cake. Store cake loosely covered in the refrigerator.

 

-peace.

 

 

Sex & Cake: The Link Between Oral Sex and Morning Sickness

Dr. Gordon Gallup is a resident  psychologist at the University of Albany who researches biopsychology.

In his recent theory on the evolutionary reinterpretation of pregnancy sickness (morning sickness…just say that….. lol scientists are a trip), Dr. Gordon proposes that the culprit of morning sickness during pregnancy is not the kool-aid and pickle cravings, but the presence of a foreign genetic material in a woman’s body, unfamiliar semen.

Hmmmm… go on….

A baby is half made up of genetic material from the father, so initially the body may treat the organism as a foreign tissue or infection.  The mother-to-be’s response, similar to when you eat something bad, is an immune reaction like vomiting, nausea, and morning sickness. In other words semen is a foreign substance when it enters a woman’s body, so when pregnancy occurs, the more semen present in the mother’s body, the better ability it has to be familiar with it, and not produce a bad reaction.

Like other immunity treatmeants, like the flu, and chicken pox, etc. The protocol is to inject you with that same “substance” so that your body may build antibodies to that particular virus, or bacteria.

Dr. Gordon is basically saying, a cure for morning sickness is for the mother to  increase the presence of seminal fluid from the child’s biological father. Before you go putting your mates “fluids” on tap,  whether it be orally ingested  or by vaginal insemination, there are no studies to support that one is more effective than the other.

At the 2012 meeting of the Northeastern Evolutionary Psychology Society (NEEPS), Gallup laid out test parameters  that would identify the worst cases of morning sickness that should come from a woman who was lesbian , with little (if any) previous exposure to  semen, and who are impregnated by artificial insemination. ( I concur, it makes sense when testing this theory)

Of course this leaves women who have been dippin’ on the side or artificially inseminated at a loss because they don’t have regular access to the fathers “genetic material”.  So if your other “half” is having morning sickness, you ARE the father, and you have sex regularly… you might want to see Maury about that.

To me, the science makes sense, it will be interesting to see how this study, with test subject plays out. If you wish to read more extensively about this here is the link:

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2012/07/morning_sickness_can_more_sex_help_.single.html

Whooo… that sure was interesting… What do you think about this theory?

Now lets have some cake!

Evolutionary Praline Turtle Cake

 

 

 

 

 

Food and the City Webisodes Coming Soon!

LIVE: IT’S COMING! 5.12.12

Love: A Not So Good Valentines Day Gift

Today I heard a radio commercial from Beverly Hills Physicians, a cosmetic surgery practice. The commercial suggested that it would be a grand romantic gesture if  you give a gift certificate from their practice to your sweetheart this coming Valentines Day. Pause! I couldn’t believe the pitch I had just heard.

While I have nothing against one getting surgery for self image improvement purposes, I really don’t think I would receive a gift certificate to a plastic surgeon on Valentines Day from a lover so well.   My thought is, when and how do you deliver such a gift, and what do you say?  ”Honey, I got you that Kardashian ass you have unsuccessfully been squatting towards” or ” John, here’s a gift that will help you ditch that prego look.”

How do you bestow a gift like this to a lover? Do you deliver the certificate over a romantic dinner, tape the certificate to a Teddy Bear with some roses, attach it to an Edible Arrangement, or you can blind fold your boyfriend or girlfriend and take em straight to the surgery center.

My point is,  there is nothing romantic about this particular gift. If you were a man giving this gift to a woman, it’s almost guaranteed that your plans for  hot, slutty, Valentines Day sex will be deferred.  She may even take it, get the surgery, then defer to having sex with someone else.  Now a week after valentines day would be probably be a better time for this gift that keeps on giving.

It is sad that this commercial may be the demise to some poor clueless persons relationship or marriage, because they actually were convinced ,that the gift of plastic surgery, would melt the heart of their mate on Valentines Day.

Don’t Do It!

Holla,

Ronique Nicole

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